Questions, questions, questions. . .
My Dear Buzznetters,
Through Buzznet I have met some incredible people. . .some I travel with, some I correspond with daily, some I chat with during overnight shifts, others I have coffee with every Wednesday and Friday, others teach me Italian/Portuguese, some have been more than hospitable to me and my dog, some share my love for a certain Native American actor, some proofread my poor english (merci encore), some send me naughty photos that I enjoy tremendously, some share my passion for fast cars and even faster bikes, with some I debate politics and fashion trends. . .each of you know who you are, non! What is true of all of you is that you enrich my life and you make me smile :)
Another thing that makes me smile is some of the strange questions I am emailed. Here is a small sampling for your enjoyment (in English translation because it is most common language). And yes, these are all REAL questions, non!
1. "They say French people cook real good can you tell me how to make meat loaf for my girlfriend's birthday because she really likes meatloaf." The French do indeed have fine cuisine! Unfortunately I am neither French (I am just a French national) nor a meat eater ( I am vegetarian) and thus, in no position to help you with your meatloaf debacle - sorry. Best of luck in you culinary aspirations and do share my birthday wishes with your girlfriend, non?
2. "My new apartment is so fucking tiny! I will either have to sell my tuba or my cello which one should it be?" I am more than a bit biased because the cello is my favorite instrument. Trash the tuba and cherish your cello, non?
3. "Will you go to my prom with me? I can't play for your plane ticket but I will buy the tickets to the prom and my Mom said you can stay in my sister's room because she is away at college. Our theme is This Magic Moment and prom is going to rock this year! Please come I am a very nice guy." I am more than flattered, thank you kindly for the warm invitation but I will have to politely decline. You do, indeed, seem like a nice guy I am sure there are many lovely ladies that would love to attend with you. I hope you have a wonderful time at the prom and I look forward to seeing your photos, non?
4. "You seem like a hottie and me and my buddy will be in Paris, can we crash at your place?" Considering the fact that you are a complete stranger, and also that there are a bounty of hotels in Paris I'll respond by saying, "Hell No!".
5. "Can I borrow five dollars?" LOL! Yes, just this once! What's your address, I'll mail you five euros, non? *I really did this*
6. "I had a dream that I was a zebra what do you think that means?" I haven't the foggiest idea.
7. "Will you be my nanny? I think you will be good because I want my children to learn French. They are good kids I have three boys and a girl ages 17months to 7years old. My husband and I will pay you $200.00 a week to babysit and cook and you won't have to clean. I haven't seen your face but I think you are not white, this may be a problem because our community doesn't like black people so you wouldn't be able to go out in public with the family you would just have to stay at the house. Please respond soon." *this got no response, but this dame continues to email me*
8. "Can I wear a black belt with a tan suit?" Of course you can, but I find oxblood shoes and belts to be rather fetching with tan and khaki, non?
9. "Hey baby can I get your number?" Indeed! It's 777-9311. . .call me!
10. "I lied and told my co-workers that I was going to vacation in France. I can't afford to go anywhere because I am swimming in credit card debt but I don't want to be the only person in the office who didn't go on an awesome trip. If I give you my co-workers' addressess will you buy post cards and send them to them from France? If you want I can send you a check for the postage. Thanks." Truth be told, this is not the first time I have had this request nor will it be the first time that I honor it.
11. "You say you are African but you seem pretty are there other pretty women in Africa I thought African women were dark and ugly?" I've decided not to be offended so I'll begin by saying "merci" for the compliment, it is a pleasure to know that I've played even a minute role in changing your misconceptions about the continent of Africa.Secondly I will say that beauty is limited by neither pigmentation nor geography and the continent of Africa is abundant with beautiful culture, people and landscape - come visit, come learn.
12. " Young lady I would like for you to meet my son. I must warn you he is rather large (fat) but he has a good job and he will be able to provide for you. You seem rather foxy and this is good because you would neutralize our gene pool since we are not very attractive. We are American expatriots just outside of London in a town called Bath come see us!" * no response*
I love Buzznet!
bisou bisou,
Xavi
